I miss being happy

Now whats left of me is just lonliness.. Im not really a holy person but atleast i know what not to do.. Im stubborn but i still know when to give up and to forgive (well, at least i try..)
You would say youre forgetful, but are you being forgetful when u intentionally hide things away coz your mindset tells u that am ALWAYS negative? Are u being equal when we were fightin, u met a random person the next day? Are u being equal when u promised not to do things i dislike but when we fight u doing it? are u being equal when u treated me like a piece of trash? Are u being equal when am at right, u still wont let yourself lose coz its your 'defence mechanism' and i have to get over it? Are u being equal when am trying to be civil and mengalah but u knock me down over and over again instead?